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Assisted Reproduction: And what about the man in all this?

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The future father is as much in need of support as the woman undergoing the treatment

Reproducción Asistida: ¿Y los hombres, en todo esto?

Assisted Reproduction is a complicated and emotionally tough experience. And it is for the man as well. He suffers as much as the woman by not getting to start a family, even though he may not express it openly. He may seem insensitive or give the impression that he is for show, or to provide support to his partner, because he knows she is feeling a very deep pain.

Added to the fear of not getting to know about fatherhood is the fear that the woman he loves may not get to know the joy of motherhood, and he starts to think about the consequences of this failure for the future harmony of the couple. His self-esteem suffers, as he doesn’t know how to solve this problem for his partner. He would just love to be able to relieve the mental and physical suffering.

He feels useless and passive, and yet what he would really like would be to find a solution to this situation. He has the feeling that he no longer holds the reins of his own life and he finds it hard to accept. He suffers the loss of privacy as a couple as well as in his life, where there is no longer room for passion and desire, where the absence of children becomes omnipresent. He feels different from his friends who are already parents and who feel fulfilled by their fatherhood. He may feel isolated, but complaining seems inappropriate. That is when he withdraws into himself, when he spends more hours working or when he feels more like going out, but his only wish is that the treatment starts to works as soon as possible.

Because of this, the father-to-be has as much need for support as the woman undergoing the treatment. He needs guidance and help to overcome this test. Talk to him, it’s important to maintain an open and sincere dialogue and for there to be constant communication as a couple. Ask him about his doubts, his fears and his concerns, let him express himself. Go together to consult a psychologist, or even a sexologist if you have the feeling that your partner is becoming overwhelmed by the situation. Let him call the lab, go to the pharmacy or ask for appointments, so that he can take an active role in this struggle! Your partner absolutely has his place and, even though the gynaecology consultation may intimidate him, his presence is indispensable … Infertility is a struggle which must involve the two of you!

The man who will become a father thanks to Assisted Reproduction will be, in any case, a different father and totally devoted to his fatherhood, since he will have experienced the fear of never being able to live it. His desire to have a child will have multiplied with the difficulties, to the point that he will be an exceptional father, devoted and affectionate, well aware of the little darling that will grow up by his side … and infinitely grateful for this joy and happiness that he has been able to know thanks to you…

Frédérique Vincent
After finishing her studies, Frédérique Vincent packs her bags and goes to England. While there, she meets her future husband. They marry in 2008. The months and years go by very quickly without any sign of pregnancy. At first, it doesn’t matter: they are very busy with their leisure time, sports, travel. Then the desire to have a child becomes an obsession. When fertility treatment begins, she decides to start writing her diary of an infertile woman. Very quickly, her circle encourages her to continue giving her testimony … She is currently a mother of three and author of La Promesse du mois, a book which serves as a testimony to infertility.

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