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How to live through Christmas when pregnancy does not come

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If you fancy being part of the family gatherings, then don’t join them and have a bad time. Don’t force yourself to be around children or to have to congratulate pregnant women

Christmas and New Year represent a rather delicate period for couples who are struggling to get pregnant. What is the family celebration par excellence can become a real torture when the only gift you want is a child. After a whole year of waiting and crying because the only thing you want is to get pregnant … How are we going to be cheerful and happy with family during the Christmas dinner? Considering just how much we’ve longed for that baby … We even imagined taking pictures with the baby bump under the Christmas tree!

We bring gifts for others, but at the same time we arrive filled with disappointment, rage, hurt and fatigue … Not to mention the children who will be running around impatiently in front of the tree, and then, later, thrilled with their presents … All this will painfully remind us of the emptiness we can’t succeed in filling.

Smiles, tenderness, and lots of love surrounding a celebration that for yet another year, we still cannot share with our little one. To make matters worse, we will have to rejoice (again), at the pregnancy of our sister-in-law, who we had managed to avoid all year, and who we’ll now have to face. We’ll have to look at the latest little nephew, lest I look like the embittered aunt.

How does one do it so as not to spoil the party for the others, by staying unemotional and indifferent? How to stay serene when the question of that distant cousin – “And what about you, when are you going to have your baby?” – churns us up inside? You can always answer that you will look under the tree in case Santa Claus has brought you one … And if your cousin still doesn’t get it, you can add that, in fact, you asked for half a dozen and that maybe the Christmas stocking isn’t long enough …

Bear in mind that, basically, you don’t have to take part in the Christmas festivities. Your parents and your close family will understand. If, however, you want to be part of these family gatherings, don’t join them to end up having a bad time. Don’t force yourself to be around the children, or to congratulate pregnant women’s bumps. Another option might be to forget about all the greetings and plan an alternative activity with your partner or other friends. Take advantage of these days off stretching out before you in order to replenish forces and get back on track with your partner. It is a nice gift to have him by your side. A partner that loves you and wants to start a family with you. It’s wonderful. Keep positive for the New Year that is starting. There is no reason to think that it will be exactly identical to the one we left behind … Your most beloved wish has every reason to come true. With patience, perseverance and courage, you will achieve it, and you will appreciate all the more this little bundle of joy that you have so longed for.

To all those who are not yet parents this year, I wish you a hope-filled Christmas holiday surrounded by caring and kind people.

Frédérique Vincent
After finishing her studies, Frédérique Vincent packs her bags and goes to England. While there, she meets her future husband. They marry in 2008. The months and years go by very quickly without any sign of pregnancy. At first, it doesn’t matter: they are very busy with their leisure time, sports, travel. Then the desire to have a child becomes an obsession. When fertility treatment begins, she decides to start writing her diary of an infertile woman. Very quickly, her circle encourages her to continue giving her testimony … She is currently a mother of three and author of La Promesse du mois, a book which serves as a testimony to infertility.

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