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How to live your femininity when you don’t achieve motherhood?

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Conceiving a baby is perceived in this way as the most natural thing in the world, something normal for a woman in both a biological and cultural sense

¿Cómo vivir la propia feminidad cuando no se consigue ser madre?

When you undergo fertility treatment, it is very common to wonder whether you’re a real woman when you don’t succeed in having a baby. Is it that women only exist as such because they are the ones who bring children into the world? And so men wouldn’t be real men if they don’t become fathers?

The rules of conduct and the behavioural models that people living in society are supposed to follow and adopt have been shaped throughout history. Customs, traditions, fashions, trends, scales of values, or the way we care for, love and bring up children, have been establishing themselves over the years.

Conceiving a baby is perceived in this way as the most natural thing in the world, something normal for a woman in both a biological and cultural sense. And being parents, having created life, allows the couple to both position themselves within society and to make this social position clear to others. Motherhood allows women to acquire a status and the role of the mother in a family, which is a status that has also been glorified, has put motherhood on a pedestal. And, therefore, women experience a feeling of realization and feel complete and fulfilled when they are mothers. However, it is not like that at all. You have to be a woman to procreate, without a doubt, but you can still be a woman without having children.

When you undergo fertility treatment, the loss of self-confidence reinforces this feeling of not feeling fully female. The viewpoint that society shows towards a childless couple and the questions from the immediate circle, don’t help women to have a sense of their own self-worth, in accordance with the standard values. To this we must add the impression that you will never be happy or feel complete or fulfilled if you do not manage to give birth, and thus also give meaning to your own life. However, personal growth and the feeling of fulfilment can take many other paths while waiting to experience motherhood.

Living a life full of passion, dedicating yourself to your partner, to the family, to your professional career, to a humanitarian project, to travelling, to learning, to studying … One’s whole life has meaning even though baby doesn’t arrive, and it is important to continue enjoying everything life offers instead of being blocked with what it has not (as yet) given you. You have a partner and friends, which makes you a loved, appreciated and cherished woman. Enjoy your love life, as well as your private life and friendships … Take time for yourself, pamper your body and your mind. Keep visualizing your goal and ignore the comments that your social circle makes. There is much more to you than a mere woman … There is a goddess with the power to obtain what she longs for from the deepest part of her being!

Frédérique Vincent
After finishing her studies, Frédérique Vincent packs her bags and goes to England. While there, she meets her future husband. They marry in 2008. The months and years go by very quickly without any sign of pregnancy. At first, it doesn’t matter: they are very busy with their leisure time, sports, travel. Then the desire to have a child becomes an obsession. When fertility treatment begins, she decides to start writing her diary of an infertile woman. Very quickly, her circle encourages her to continue giving her testimony … She is currently a mother of three and author of La Promesse du mois, a book which serves as a testimony to infertility.

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